None of this suggests you shouldn’t have the right to do what you want to explore your sexuality and learn what your likes are. If you want to do something while fully aware of the potential risks, that is the meaning of agency. However, if you are being talked into something you are not sure about or being coerced in any way, here are a few things to consider.
- Before you post explicit pictures of yourself on the internet, you first need to make a few hundred copies, get on the New York City subway, and hand them out to every man you see on the train because that’s who will be looking at you. In addition, give them out to your cousins, uncles, the men on your block, and any male who knows you. You would never do that because of the myth of anonymity. You think no one is going to find out. The truth is just the opposite. Everyone is going to find out. If you are fine with that, then you are fine with that.
- If you are sending explicit pictures of yourself or sexting, imagine every one going through the police station. One day, when I was scuba diving, I ran into a dive group feeding a family of Caribbean reef sharks. These animals were so fast and powerful I realized they didn’t eat me because they didn’t want to. The police don’t monitor your text messages and activity on social media, but only because they don’t want to. As soon as something happens, that is the first thing they will do. And things said in the text lack the context of speech. There is no way to tell if you are joking about something or being sarcastic. Picture yourself in a room in a police station explaining what you meant. Or worse, what would you do if you found someone extorting you over these pictures later?
- If you are attracted to the money in pornography and decide to start your own porn site or post to an existing one like OnlyFans, here’s something to consider. I’m sure there are ways to do this with little or no damage to your self-esteem, but pornography is a landscape littered with women who develop serious mental health issues later in life. Any time you get your self-esteem through your sexuality, it becomes very problematic. This is not as straightforward a proposition as it may appear .
- Right now, you may live in an ecosystem that finds doing internet pornography acceptable, but you are living in a bubble. Remember, the videos you post will never go away. If you plan to join the circus out of college or start your own soap-making business in Vermont, perhaps it won’t be a factor in your life. However, imagine you are in a room waiting for a job interview as an intern for a prestigious law firm, and the reason for the delay is the staff is looking at videos you made during last year’s spring break. I am in no way being judgmental here or telling you what you do is wrong. I want you to decide that. Keep in mind the real world may not share your views. It could be the real reason you won’t get that intern job might not be because of corporate standards. It might very well be that this isn’t the first time the head of the firm has seen your video. You will grow and mature, but your videos live forever.
Always try to do the right thing, because even when you do, you sometimes fail.
Robert Polakoski
Conclusion
Today, our culture fails to protect young women, who must develop self-esteem and agency. They need resources to keep them safe and guidance to help them champion their decisions. We can improve.
I can’t help but end with another analogy from aviation. This week, a small airplane in upstate New York had an engine failure on takeoff. While trying to turn back to the airport, it stalled and crashed, killing both the occupants. Engine failures on takeoff rarely happen at sufficient altitude to safely allow a 180-degree turn. In an attempt to return to the runway, the pilot tries to tighten his turn, loses airspeed, stalls, and the plane corkscrews to the ground without room to recover. This is a classic mistake in light plane flying and is one every beginning student pilot is cautioned against. The thing worth noting here was that the pilot who made this mistake was a former commander of the Air Force Thunderbirds. When you get in an airplane, it doesn’t matter how good you were yesterday. Every time you put on that seat belt, you must be vigilant of your safety. If someone like that can make one of the classic errors in flying light planes then anyone can if not paying attention.
Young women’s well-being has never faced more threats. Being vigilant and unafraid to take steps to keep yourself safe does not mean you are paranoid. If the commander of the Thunderbirds can make the most common error, so can you.
I hope young women take this message to heart and make my suggestions part of their daily existence.
